The “Leaving the Past Behind” Narrative
When therapy is suggested by others or individually, it usually is accompanied by feelings of resolution, putting the pain of the past behind us. The visualization of entering therapy is entering into a safe space, extending our arms out to our sides, and landing softly on a plush sofa. We envision being warmly surrounded by unconditional positive regard and imagine a therapist who will focus most of their attention on our story, painlessly leading us to untangle the complexities of our lives. Then, we are smacked with the hard truth. If therapy is so good, why does it sometimes hurt so much? The answer will take us through a journey of emotions, healing, and growth.
Understanding Emotional Pain
To understand the pain found in therapy, we first want to acknowledge the nature of the human experience. Life is filled with challenges, traumas, and disappointments. While navigating through the rough spots of life, we often appropriately build defenses that protect our emotional center so we can cope with our struggles. These defenses should not be minimized; in fact, we celebrate them and want to have an amount of gratitude and awe at the ability of our bodies to create defenses to keep us safe. After all, for some time, these defenses or avoidance strategies worked. We survived our childhoods, school environments, relationships, workplaces, and emotions.
The Role of Defense Mechanisms
Eventually, these defense mechanisms become barriers to living our lives to our full potential, thus motivating us to enter a room with a professional to help disengage these defense mechanisms. As we begin dismantling these defenses, feelings of pain can emerge. After all, that was the purpose of our old coping strategies: to assist us with feeling the least amount of pain possible. Therapy sometimes requires us to confront parts of ourselves that we may have avoided, buried, or even denied. Confrontation is the core of our emotional experiences in session.
Our old defense mechanisms is created by a part of our brain called the limbic system. To put it simply, this system has one job, to keep us alive and safe. When a painful event is experienced, our system goes into action and creates a coping skill to make sure that we never have to go through or feel that pain again. The downside is that by not feeling that pain, we build an intolerance to uncomfortable emotions.
The Importance of Processing Past, Present, and Possible Future Hurt
As we step into the therapeutic environment and begin revisiting past experiences that have left their mark on us, we explore the events that have shaped our perceptions and behaviors. This journey into the past leads to profound insights and healing. Profound insights invoke sadness, anger, or even anxiety. Many may be shocked at the level of emotion they may feel—shocked and then relieved.
In therapy, we begin to feel these emotions and learn skills that will help us navigate through emotional pain and teach our limbic system that we can do hard things. We do survive pain, and there is another side to vulnerability. Okay, so we explored the pain part. This is where the “therapy is so good” comes in. The therapist’s skill will assist with navigating these emotional tides by creating a secure environment and providing evidence-based strategies to address thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and negative cognitions. Together, you will mold your mind and body to withstand uncomfortable feelings and reframe thoughts that used to rule you. In session, as the client, you are no longer alone. You now have a supportive witness who is neutral and can help guide you through the murky waters of your past, pointing out alternatives to the pain. A tolerance will be created, and clients will find themselves living a life they used to run from. It sounds empowering, and it is! In recognizing that discomfort is a fundamental part of healing, clients can cultivate greater resilience and more profound self-awareness.
Melissa Turvey
Hello, my name is Melissa Turvey and I am a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor. My focus as a counselor is on providing a warm, therapeutic environment that allows my clients to address their presenting challenges with empathy, compassion, and respect.
